Skill: Coaching Techniques

GROW model, active listening, developmental feedback, and team growth approaches.

Metadata

Field	Value
Skill ID	coaching-techniques
Version	1.0.0
Category	Leadership
Difficulty	Intermediate
Prerequisites	None
Related Skills	stakeholder-management, frustration-recognition

Overview

Coaching develops people's capability rather than directing their actions. Effective coaching unlocks potential, builds ownership, and creates sustainable performance improvement.

Coaching vs. Other Approaches

Approach	When to Use	Leader's Role
Telling	Crisis, safety, no time	Expert, director
Teaching	Skill gap, new domain	Instructor
Mentoring	Career development	Sharing experience
Coaching	Capability exists, needs unlocking	Partner, facilitator

The Core Principle

Ask, don't tell. The coachee holds the answers; your job is to help them find those answers.

Module 1: The GROW Model

Framework Overview

Phase	Purpose	Key Questions
Goal	Clarify desired outcome	"What do you want to achieve?"
Reality	Explore current situation	"Where are you now?"
Options	Generate possibilities	"What could you do?"
Will	Commit to action	"What will you do?"

Goal Phase Questions

•"What would you like to focus on today?"
•"What outcome do you want from this conversation?"
•"How will you know you've achieved it?"
•"Why is this important to you now?"
•"What would success look like?"

Reality Phase Questions

•"What's happening currently?"
•"What have you tried so far?"
•"What's working? What isn't?"
•"What obstacles are in the way?"
•"On a scale of 1-10, where are you now?"
•"What resources do you already have?"

Options Phase Questions

•"What options do you see?"
•"What else could you do?"
•"If you had unlimited resources, what would you try?"
•"What would you advise a friend in this situation?"
•"What's the opposite approach?"
•"Which options appeal to you most?"

Will Phase Questions

•"Which option will you pursue?"
•"When will you do this?"
•"What's your first step?"
•"What support do you need?"
•"How will you hold yourself accountable?"
•"On a scale of 1-10, how committed are you?"

Module 2: Active Listening

The Three Levels of Listening

Level	Focus	Quality
1. Internal	Your own thoughts, reactions	Minimal presence
2. Focused	The speaker's words, emotions	Good coaching
3. Global	Energy, unspoken, environment	Masterful coaching

Active Listening Techniques

Technique	Purpose	Example
Paraphrasing	Confirm understanding	"So you're saying..."
Reflecting feeling	Acknowledge emotion	"It sounds frustrating that..."
Summarizing	Consolidate key points	"The main issues are X, Y, Z"
Clarifying	Ensure precision	"When you say X, what do you mean?"
Silence	Create space	Pause, wait

Non-Verbal Awareness

Signal	What It May Mean
Eye contact breaks	Discomfort, thinking
Changed breathing	Emotion, stress
Posture shift	Engagement change
Voice tone shift	Emotional content
Fidgeting	Anxiety, boredom

Listening Blockers

Blocker	Problem	Alternative
Advising	Removes ownership	Ask what they think
Interrupting	Shuts down exploration	Wait, summarize
Evaluating	Kills candor	Stay neutral
Problem-solving	Takes over	Ask for their solution

Module 3: Powerful Questions

Question Characteristics

Characteristic	Description
Open-ended	Can't be answered yes/no
Curious	Genuinely explore, not lead
Simple	One question at a time
Forward-focused	Action-oriented when appropriate

Question Types

Type	Purpose	Examples
Clarifying	Understand better	"What do you mean by...?"
Deepening	Explore further	"What's behind that?"
Challenging	Test assumptions	"What if that's not true?"
Possibility	Open up options	"What else might work?"
Action	Move to commitment	"What's your next step?"

Questions to Avoid

Question Type	Problem	Better Version
"Why did you...?"	Feels judgmental	"What led to that decision?"
"Have you tried X?"	Leading/advising	"What have you considered?"
"Don't you think...?"	Puts words in mouth	"What do you think?"
Multiple questions	Confusing	One question, wait

Module 4: Feedback for Development

The SBI Model

Element	Description	Example
Situation	When and where	"In yesterday's team meeting..."
Behavior	Observable action	"...when you interrupted Sarah..."
Impact	Effect on you/others	"...the team seemed reluctant to share after that"

Feedforward (Marshall Goldsmith)

Instead of critiquing the past, suggest for the future:

•Pick one behavior to improve
•Ask for suggestions (not feedback)
•Listen without defending
•Thank without evaluating

Example: "I want to be better at running inclusive meetings. What one suggestion do you have?"

Receiving Feedback

Step	Action
Listen	Don't interrupt or defend
Clarify	Ask for examples if needed
Thank	Appreciate the effort
Reflect	Consider validity privately
Act	Make visible improvements

Praise Effectively

Weak Praise	Strong Praise
"Good job"	"The way you handled that objection showed real preparation"
"You're smart"	"Your analysis surfaced issues nobody else caught"
Generic	Specific behavior + impact

Module 5: Coaching Difficult Moments

When Coachee is Stuck

Symptom	Intervention
"I don't know"	"If you did know, what might it be?"
Going in circles	"Let's step back—what's the real issue?"
Avoidance	"What are you not saying?"
Overwhelm	"What's the smallest first step?"

Resistance Patterns

Pattern	Possible Cause	Response
Deflecting	Fear of accountability	Gently redirect
Intellectualizing	Avoiding emotion	"How do you feel about that?"
Blaming others	Avoiding ownership	"What's your part in this?"
Pessimism	Learned helplessness	Focus on what IS in control

When Coaching Isn't Appropriate

Situation	Better Approach
Performance crisis	Direct feedback, clear expectations
Skill gap (unknown)	Teaching, training
Values misalignment	Honest conversation about fit
Unwilling coachee	Don't force it

Module 6: Coaching Cadence

Regular Coaching Rhythms

Type	Frequency	Duration	Focus
1:1	Weekly	30-60 min	Ongoing development
Project	As needed	15-30 min	Specific challenge
Career	Quarterly	60 min	Long-term growth
On-the-spot	Moment arises	5-10 min	Immediate learning

1:1 Structure

Phase	Time	Content
Check-in	5 min	How are you? What's on your mind?
Coachee agenda	20 min	Their topics (GROW)
Your agenda	10 min	Updates, context-setting
Actions	5 min	Commitments, next steps

Documentation

Track coaching conversations:

•Date and duration
•Topics discussed
•Key insights
•Commitments made
•Follow-up items

Quick Reference

GROW Cheat Sheet

code

G: What do you want?
R: Where are you now?
O: What could you do?
W: What will you do?

Coaching Checklist

Phrases That Work

Situation	Phrase
Opening	"What's most important to discuss today?"
Deepening	"Tell me more about that"
Exploring	"What else?"
Challenging	"What's stopping you?"
Committing	"What's your first step?"
Checking in	"How committed are you, 1-10?"

Red Flags in Coaching

Flag	Issue
You're talking more than 30%	Too directive
Giving lots of advice	Not coaching
Coachee seems defeated	May need different support
Same topic every session	Not making progress

Activation Patterns

Trigger	Response
"coaching", "GROW", "develop someone"	Full skill activation
"feedback", "difficult conversation"	Module 4
"stuck", "not making progress"	Module 5
"1:1", "one on one"	Module 6
"listen better", "questions"	Module 2-3

Skill created: 2026-02-10 | Category: Leadership | Status: Active

Synapses

•[.github/skills/frustration-recognition/SKILL.md] (High, Enables, Bidirectional) - "Recognize coachee emotional state"
•[.github/instructions/alex-core.instructions.md] (Medium, Applies, Forward) - "Meta-cognitive awareness in coaching"
•[.github/skills/executive-storytelling/SKILL.md] (Medium, Complements, Bidirectional) - "Leadership communication skills"