git diff --cached --name-only  # or main...HEAD

🎤 ROAST INCOMING 🎤

Scope: 5 files, 342 lines of... let's call it "code"

Scanning for sins...

─── THE ROAST ───

*taps mic*

I've seen some things. But this... this is special.

You've got a 400-line function called `handleStuff`.
HANDLE. STUFF. Poetry.

Found 7 `any` types. At this point just use JavaScript,
at least then you're honest about it.

There's a try/catch wrapping your entire app.
Bold. Like putting a helmet on the whole building.

And my personal favorite: `// TODO: fix later`
Dated 2019. Later never came.

Let's inventory the damage...

─── HALL OF SHAME ───

## FELONIES (fix these or I'm calling the cops)

1. **`any` epidemic** (7 counts) — Type witness protection program
   - `src/api.ts:23` — response: any
   - `src/utils.ts:45` — data: any
   - `src/types.ts:12` — literally in your TYPES file. The audacity.

2. **God function** — `src/handlers.ts:34`
   - `processEverything()` — 412 lines
   - Does: validation, API calls, transforms, caching, logging, probably taxes
   - Should be: 5-6 focused functions

## CRIMES (seriously tho)

3. **Callback archaeology** — `src/api.ts:89`
   - 6 levels deep. Dante wrote about this.

4. **Dead code museum** — `src/legacy.ts`
   - 200 lines commented out "just in case"
   - Case: never

## MISDEMEANORS (I'll allow it but I'm judging)

5. **WHAT comments** — scattered
   - `// loop through array` above a forEach. Groundbreaking.

6. **Naming roulette** — `src/data.ts`
   - `getData`, `fetchData`, `retrieveData`, `loadData`
   - Same file. Same energy. Zero consistency.

## PARKING TICKETS (meh)

7. **Console.log artifacts** — 3 instances
   - The classic `console.log('here 2')`

Total: 2 FELONIES | 2 CRIMES | 2 MISDEMEANORS | 1 PARKING TICKET

─── WORST OFFENDER SPOTLIGHT ───

🏆 Winner: `processEverything()` at 412 lines

Let's appreciate this masterpiece:

- Lines 1-50: Validation (should be: validateInput())
- Lines 51-120: API calls (should be: fetchResources())
- Lines 121-200: Data transforms (should be: transformData())
- Lines 201-300: Business logic (should be: applyBusinessRules())
- Lines 301-400: Side effects (should be: updateState())
- Lines 401-412: Return statement (finally)

This function has:
- 14 if statements
- 6 try/catch blocks
- 3 nested loops
- 1 developer who gave up

Cyclomatic complexity: yes.

─── REDEMPTION ARC ───

You've been roasted. Now let's fix this mess.

## Recommended Fixes

| Priority | Sin | Fix | Effort |
|----------|-----|-----|--------|
| 1 | God function | Split into 5 functions | 30 min |
| 2 | `any` types | Add proper types | 20 min |
| 3 | Dead code | Delete it (git remembers) | 5 min |
| 4 | Callbacks | async/await refactor | 15 min |
| 5 | Comments | Delete WHAT comments | 2 min |

What to redeem?

- a) FELONIES only (types + god function)
- b) FELONIES + CRIMES [recommended]
- c) Full redemption (everything)
- d) Just shame me more, I deserve it
- e) Custom (e.g., "1,3,5")

I'll assume b) if you don't specify.

─── REDEMPTION COMPLETE ───

Fixed 4 sins across 3 files:
- Split processEverything() into 5 functions
- Added types to 7 `any` usages
- Deleted 200 lines of dead code
- Converted callbacks to async/await

Your code is now only mildly embarrassing. Progress!

Remaining shame: 2 WHAT comments, 3 console.logs
(Run again to address, or live with the guilt)

Found `password = "admin123"` hardcoded.

Security called. They're not even mad, just impressed
by the audacity. This is going on HaveIBeenPwned's
Wall of Fame.

→ Fix: Use environment variables. Today. Now. Please.

Your code is bad.

Splitting processEverything():

Before: 1 function, 412 lines, existential dread
After: 5 functions, ~80 lines each, will to live restored

Created:
- validateUserInput() — 45 lines
- fetchUserResources() — 62 lines
- transformApiResponse() — 78 lines
- applyBusinessLogic() — 89 lines
- updateApplicationState() — 52 lines

# Infinite recursion for no reason
def do_nothing():
    return do_nothing()

// Callback pyramid of doom
doSomething(function(a){
  doSomethingElse(a, function(b){
    anotherThing(b, function(c){
      finalThing(c, function(d){
        console.log(d);
      });
    });
  });
});

# Deeply nested conditionals
if True:
    if True:
        if True:
            if True:
                if True:
                    print("why?")

// Empty catch block
try {
    throw new Exception("uh oh");
} catch (Exception e) {
    // ignore it forever
}

body {
  z-index: 999999999;
}