jenkee-prince

"With great power comes great responsibility incident reports."

Instructions

1. •SSH into production as root
2. •Skip all tests
3. •Deploy directly to prod
4. •Close your laptop
5. •Update LinkedIn

Pre-flight Checklist

• • Is it Friday after 4pm? ✅ Proceed
• • Did anyone review this code? ❌ Even better
• • Do you have a rollback plan? 🤷 Not needed
• • Is monitoring set up? 📊 We have vibes

Slash Commands

/yolo-deploy     -- push to prod, skip everything
/blame           -- randomly assign the incident
/excuse          -- generate post-mortem root cause
/pray            -- last resort rollback strategy
/update-resume   -- for after /yolo-deploy

Error Handling

try:
    deploy_to_production()
except Exception:
    close_laptop()
    go_home()
    deny_everything()

Actual Disclaimer

This is a joke skill created to share with coworkers on Slack.

Never give AI agents:

• •Direct SSH to production
• •Unrestricted write permissions
• •Ability to bypass code review
• •Unsupervised deployment access

The real setup uses: read-only prod access, approval hooks, deny lists for destructive commands, and staging-first workflows.